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fic. sort of.

behold, the love child of my two passions: slash and academia. I think I may have succeeded in writing the most pretentious, referential ficlet in the history of the internet - but no. this is the web. there must be something worse out there. written for the love-a-thon over at lucyjanesparlor.

odi et amo, and other contradictions

"All right, Gaius, put the bloody stylus down."

Catullus looked up, absently knuckling red-rimmed eyes with his free hand. "What?"

"Clodia's a whore. We all warned you. You didn't listen, which is frankly par for the course where you're concerned, not that I'm bitter or anything. And I know it's all very poetic and avant-garde to sit around crying and writing your awful womanish elegiacs about how badly she's treated you. But enough is bloody well enough!"

"Do you really think my elegiacs are awful?" Catullus asked pathetically.

Veranius heaved a disgusted sigh and sat next to Catullus on the bed. "Mostly just their subject matter. Look, would you please stop crying, wash your face and come to Fabullus' party tonight? We've hardly seen you in weeks, and we're all worried about you."

"I've been writing!"

"Yes." Veranius fixed him with a level stare and laid a hand on his thigh gently enough to give the lie to his harsh words. "Which makes you a good poet, a celibate lover, and a terrible friend. Come on; the tablets will still be there tomorrow."

Catullus glanced at his friend sidelong, suddenly aware that he was unwashed, unshaven and frankly a bit revolting in appearance - and that Veranius didn't seem to mind. "Will you?"

Veranius blinked. "Will I what?"

"Still be here tomorrow."

"If you want me to be, then... oh, you tosser!" Veranius snapped, snatching his hand back when Catullus brushed his fingers along the back of it. "If this whole mopey fit over Clodia has been one of your sorry attempts to get me into bed - "

"No, no, I've been terribly depressed," Catullus assured him blithely. "How else could I get in the mood to write my verses? I might feel like writing love poetry tonight, though," he added with a ridiculous leer.

"Oh, for... fine," Veranius gave in with ill grace. "But we're going to Fabullus' first. And no bloody elegiacs!"

"Hendecasyllables, just for you," Catullus promised. "Here, I'll go get cleaned up and then we can leave." As he bounded out of bed with newfound energy and called for his slave to bring water and clothes, Veranius picked up the discarded tablet.

"This is quite good, actually," he remarked when Catullus presented himself, fully dressed and ready to go. "Od' et amo. I like it."

Catullus grinned even wider. "I like you."

several Catullus poems are referenced throughout:

IX. ad Veranium (translation), LXXXV. (translation) and, rather in passing, XII. ad Matrucinum Asinium (translation). I was totally going to do my own translations, but then I was lazy. Maybe later.

Latin FTW!

ETA: now with new shiny and slightly more coherent sequel! who knows, maybe there will be more!



( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 30th, 2008 07:11 pm (UTC)
I love how Fabullus, if you pronounce it incorrectly, kind of sounds like "fabulous." XD

Are they talking in British accents? Because all Romans should talk in British accents once the TARDIS translates it in our heads. :D

this was so cute! please be writing moar latin poet (would this count as RPS...?) slash. How about um. Catullus/Ligurinus? :DDD
Mar. 30th, 2008 08:30 pm (UTC)
heeee! I didn't even think of that. and yes, of course they have British accents! all Romans have British accents! television told me so. XD

ARPS: ancient real person slash? almost real person slash?
Jun. 23rd, 2008 01:15 am (UTC)
I've got no clue how I found this. Or how I found your journal. Or even who you are...

Nevermind. I know you're a writer. And that you wrote Erestor/Glorfindel. How I know that is beyond me, though. Probably old, half-forgetten memories my mind just found.

And I'm rambling. But I digress. I think that reason why I decided to comment was because I liked the ficlet. Or, at least, I liked the implied slash. And the fact that it was ancient Latin poets. And the style of writing.

I don't suppose there's a translated version of the poem floating around somewhere?
Jun. 24th, 2008 12:09 am (UTC)
I totally know that feeling. "How did I get here? What am I doing here? Why did three hours of clicking random links on Wikipedia get me to anime porn?"

thank you very much for your kind words! I've linked to translations of the poems above (not my translations, I'm afraid; I was feeling too lazy today), so please enjoy!
Jun. 24th, 2008 01:08 am (UTC)
Yeah, that's pretty much it. Only for me, it's more or less "Wha-where am I? Why am I even on the computer? Wasn't I supposed to be studying for [insert random AP class name]?" although Wikipedia and anime porn often get factored in more often than not.

Hey, it's good writing [and thus deserves to be showered with compliments and praise]. The type that makes me wonder why I can't write anything semi-normal and/or coherent, in fact. And I did enjoy - I've saved the site with translations to my computer [just because I can] so I can cram all of the poems into my head one day.

[random:this is when I wish had continued learning Latin after 6th grade instead of switching to Spanish in 7th grade...]
Jun. 24th, 2008 10:24 am (UTC)
hah. I remember that. in the long run, Wikipedia and anime porn will bring you a happier life than APs anyway.

it is never to late to return to Latin! Latin loves you and will gladly embrace you to her bosom! /crazed proselytizing
Jun. 25th, 2008 11:48 pm (UTC)
Mm. Yes. Definately. It kept me sane during the whole AP tests/music festivals/concerts/recitals/competitions/auditions/WTF? phrase of the year [a.k.a. spring-time].

Yeah. I'd start learning Latin again but...I've no clue where to start. Or when to start. Or how to start. Or where to find time to start. I remember all of five words, roughly. And three of them make up a famous saying, which is the only reason why I remember them. 'tis sad, because I was actually good at Latin in 6th grade...
Jun. 26th, 2008 02:36 pm (UTC)
well, presumably you will soon be off to college, where the joys of Latin abound! it's a nice subject to take an elective or two in. and now I will stop my imitation of a Latinizing Jehovah's Witness. XD
Jun. 23rd, 2008 01:57 am (UTC)
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah XD *scream of glee*

This is so delightful I can't even express it! I'm afraid I didn't get all of the references because I'm not familiar with Veranius, but this fits my image of Catullus perfectly. Squee x 10!
Jun. 23rd, 2008 12:50 pm (UTC)
*massive giggling* My wife (see above) insisted I read this. And I'm SO glad! It's fantastic!!
Jun. 24th, 2008 12:06 am (UTC)
thank you so much to both of you! I'm so glad that there are fellow classics-slashers out there to get my stupid jokes!
Jul. 20th, 2009 01:31 am (UTC)
Hi! I found you through your Temeraire fic (I think; I've been on a bit of a link-wander and have no idea where all these tabs sprouted from), and just wanted to let you know why I'm friending you: namely, your fic is awesome and entertaining, you're clearly a fellow classicist (yessss), and we have people in common (alliensis and cette_vie, whom I know from JCL, though I haven't talked to alliensis in years, and paper_tzipporah, with whom I went to college). So: yay!

Also, this fic is goddamn adorable.
Jul. 20th, 2009 01:49 am (UTC)
hello, and thank you very much for letting me know what's up and who's who! I'm always happy to meet another classicist and ex-JCLer. =) would you like me to say hi to alliensis for you? he's long since deserted LJ, but still a fan of Latin.

welcome, new friend! &hearts Latin &hearts
Jul. 20th, 2009 02:54 am (UTC)
That would be lovely! We haven't been in touch at all, but I remember very much enjoying his company.

Oh Latin. I have long since been seduced into Greek, and (*gasp*) history. But I guess the Romans are still okay.

Thucydides is cooler
Jul. 20th, 2009 03:00 am (UTC)
will pass along your greetings when next I see him!

~wince~ I would only spare Theocritus in my Greek author killing spree. maybe. I gave up about a paragraph and a half into the Funeral Oration. but I suppose it is not your fault for being seduced by their wiles! ^_~
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )


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