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HAPPY BITTER SINGLES DAY!!!

(and to all you couples and happy singles on my flist... fuck you.

...no, I still love you. I just hate today.)

ANYWAYS. Dunno how many of you read/watch Bleach, but... I need help. sublimeparadigm was asking for Bleach AU ideas a while back, and I came up with this gem:

"fashion-world AU. Ishida as GENIUS BUT BATSHIT INSANE AND TOTALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO WORK WITH designer, Ichigo as his CRANKY AND COMPLETELY (okay only mostly) UNWILLING MODEL/MUSE/SOURCE OF DIVINE INSPIRATION (yes I know that's the definition of muse, shut up), Chad as Ichigo's SILENT AND INCREDIBLY TOLERANT MANAGER, Orihime as Ichigo's CRAZED FAG-HAG (i.e. herself), Rukia as SOURCE OF KIND OF LAME SEXUAL TENSION UNTIL ISHIDA AND ICHIGO REALIZE THEY ARE DESTINED LOVERS (i.e. herself) and Byakuya as MIRANDA PRIESTLY FROM THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA (i.e. himself, only with nicer shoes). And Renji has to be in there somewhere. Hmm. He could be Byakuya's chauffeur/bodyguard/piece of ass on the side?"

then, since I had like a half hour before I needed to go to sleep last night/this morning and sublimeparadigm requested V-day IchiIshi, I quickly scribed this piece of SHEER GENIUS (you will agree):

When Kurosaki Ichigo braved the den of the infamously brilliant (and infamously bitchy) Ishida Uryuu, no one could say he went unprepared.

"Be prepared to give in at the first sign of disagreement," advised Kuchiki Byakuya, Ichigo's employer and the owner of Tokyo's top fashion magazine. "Actually, don't disagree with him in the first place."

"He's really crazy and he carries a vicious-looking pair of scissors around with him, so be careful," warned Kuchiki Rukia, Byakuya's sister-cum-protege, Ichigo's friend, and the reason he was paying off his college debts by modeling part-time.

"Just don't talk," suggested Abarai Renji, Byakuya's receptionist, as he led Ichigo down the hall to Ishida's office. "Really. The man's off his rocker and he's going to be wielding sharp objects uncomfortably close to your crotch."

"WHAT!?" Ichigo yelped.

"Well, he's working on a jeans line right now, you know," Renji said, shrugging, and callously deposited the hapless model-slash-med-student in front of a door ominously marked with nothing but a large cross. Some overly clever individual had stuck a Post-It note on the lintel that read, "Abandon hope all ye who enter here." Renji read it, snickered, and crumpled it up before Ishida could read it and go off into one of his cataclysmic rages. They were still picking shards of ceramics out of the carpet from the time when the designer had seen a review criticizing his use of light blue as "overly precious."

"Anyway, I'll see you later," Renji told Ichigo, clapping him on the shoulder.

"Wait, you're leaving me?"

Renji looked at him. "He's expecting you. And I'm not going in there if I can help it."

"Traitor," Ichigo mumbled, screwed up his courage, and knocked.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"

"Um, Kuchiki-sama sent me, I'm supposed to be your model for today..."

There was a pause, and then the door was abruptly flung open. "Then come in," Ishida snapped. He waited until Ichigo was just barely clear of the door, then slammed it shut.

The two young men sized each other up. Ishida was only just barely average height, and he was skinny, which his unrelieved black attire did nothing to conceal. His hair was tied back in a stubby pony-tail and his face was dominated by his square-rimmed glasses. He didn't look like the sort of dictatorial nightmare that had all the staff cowering in fear; he looked more like a starving poet, the kind that wrote epics of blank verse on the pain of unrequited love. But then, one of the first things Ichigo had learned in the fashion industry was that appearances could be deceptive.

"Take off your clothes," Ishida ordered.

"Um, excuse me?"

"You are here to wear the clothes I make. I do not work in layers. Now strip." Light flashed off Ishida's glasses menacingly. Ichigo gulped, and started removing his shirt.

Hopefully you found it amusing. imbrilim, you were the one who wanted me to write it, so dammit, read it. ANYWAY. That was it. I have no more inspiration. I can't think of anything more to write in this 'verse. BUT I WANT TO BECAUSE I AM IN LOVE WITH BITCHY DESIGNER/TRAGIC POET LOOKALIKE ISHIDA. Ergo, I require bunnies. Casting concepts. For instance, what should Matsumoto be? Because God knows anything with Rangiku's amazing chest in it immediately gets better. (hmm. lingerie model? Kyouraku as designer? could be fun...) AND ZARAKI OMG IF SOMEONE CAN TELL ME HOW TO PUT ZARAKI AND YACHIRU AND YUMICHIKA INTO A FASHION AU I WILL LOVE THEM FOREVER.

(and, you know, if someone gets inspired and wants to write, say, about the rival magazine run by Aizen and Gin, or Hitsugaya as a kids' fashion model who would REALLY like to get to be a teen model by now, BE MY GUEST.)

as a final note: this is all sublimeparadigm's fault. =)

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Comments

( 19 comments — Leave a comment )
karasu_hime
Feb. 15th, 2007 05:44 am (UTC)
Well, I still like you!



meretricula
Feb. 15th, 2007 05:49 am (UTC)
I like you too! also: ooooooooh, sparkles, thank you!
chaotic_binky
Feb. 15th, 2007 03:42 pm (UTC)
I found it amusing! Hugs binky x
meretricula
Feb. 15th, 2007 04:12 pm (UTC)
hehe, thanks! ~hugs back~
(Deleted comment)
meretricula
Feb. 15th, 2007 06:49 pm (UTC)
see, the thing is, I have no objection to Valentine's Day when I can actually celebrate it properly, as in with sulking, inhuman amounts of chocolate, and morbid movies with lots of death in them. BUT I HAD SO MUCH WORK YESTERDAY ARGH IT SUCKED AND I WAS UP UNTIL FOUR THIS MORNING. CRAPPIEST V-DAY EVER.
(Deleted comment)
meretricula
Feb. 15th, 2007 10:41 pm (UTC)
yeah, I miss a lot of college life with the whole no-liquor thing. whatevs. ~hugs~

YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT FOR ABANDONING ME TO TAKE STUPID THUCYDIDES.
(Deleted comment)
meretricula
Feb. 16th, 2007 01:46 am (UTC)
~pokes~ you should totally spend a day translating Petronius with me. just so you know.
lime_disconnect
Feb. 17th, 2007 02:10 pm (UTC)
No liquor?
meretricula
Feb. 17th, 2007 11:47 pm (UTC)
~le shrug~ yeah, I'm the one college kid in two hundred who doesn't drink.
sublimeparadigm
Feb. 15th, 2007 10:31 pm (UTC)
a;lkdsjfl;askjdfasljdflasjdf dude. Zaraki. Avante-garde hair stylist. YOU KNOW IT. He'll keep wanting to do Ichigo's hair, but Ichigo will be dead afraid, and keep running away. Yumichika has to be another model (a seriously snooty, 1337 one), with Ikkaku as his bodyguard. Yachiru . . . I dunno. XD You can always work her in there as the cute little orphan girl Zaraki picked up off the street. (that's what I plan to do anyway.) Or she could be some child prodigy designer.

As for bunnies, well, here's how I'd probably do this story if I was writing it: a small group of designers are in a competition of some sort (like one of those stupid reality shows lol), in which each contestant must create a masterpiece (or series of masterpieces) for the model they are provided. It's all very cliche, but I think it'd be highly entertaining, and potentially quite hot. :3

Of course, you should write whatever the hell you want. Just throwing an idea out there. :P Seriously, I'm sure whatever you do will be amazing and squeeworthy and orgasmic and worthy of marriage proposal. *¬*
meretricula
Feb. 15th, 2007 10:55 pm (UTC)
OHMYGOD ZARAKI. YOU ARE SO RIGHT. THE HAIR...

bwahaha can you see Yumichika as one of those idols with the hordes of screaming stalkerish fans? I TOTALLY CAN.

...I think my problem is that I can't deal with having a plot. It never works for me. ^^;; maybe I should adhere more closely to the idea of parodying The Devil Wears Prada? though that would probably get boring very quickly. I'll go reread that Masara Minase manga about the modeling company and see if I end up inspired. =D

hehe, thank you (and of course it will be nowhere nears as amazing and squeeworthy and orgasmic and worthy of marriage-proposal as your fic, but I'll try)! I'm awaiting your yakuza AU with great interest!
sublimeparadigm
Feb. 15th, 2007 11:59 pm (UTC)
I can't deal with having a plot. See, that totally works too though! XD Just go with the setting (and the slash ;D) and see what comes of it. I totally dig that approach. 8D
oh_sarah28
Feb. 15th, 2007 10:43 pm (UTC)
V-Day isn't about being single. it's about chocolate.

And Flying Circus episodes on YouTube, of course.
meretricula
Feb. 15th, 2007 10:56 pm (UTC)
there is that. =)
oh_sarah28
Feb. 16th, 2007 01:37 am (UTC)
And looking at the ROTC men in uniform. There's that, too.
meretricula
Feb. 16th, 2007 01:48 am (UTC)
Shawna sort of ruined the sex appeal of ROTC for me. =(
oh_sarah28
Feb. 16th, 2007 02:35 am (UTC)
You've just never seen CU-Boulder's ROTC.
lime_disconnect
Feb. 17th, 2007 02:08 pm (UTC)
This fic is NOT DONE. XD
meretricula
Feb. 17th, 2007 11:45 pm (UTC)
it is until the divine fire bites me again... probably... ^^;;
( 19 comments — Leave a comment )

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